Feeling Overwhelmed

I've been sitting at my desk for the last 7 hours I think. In the middle of exam season I am tied to my office chair, forcing all this information into my brain, leaving no room for anything else.

Or so you would think.

In the middle of this hectic, stressful time my brain suddenly decided a few days ago that now was the perfect time to overcome that writer's block that I had the last two months and suddenly I found myself writing again.

Now you could say that this is an amazing thing. Like, hey, I'm no longer stuck in my current WIP, but you see, this couldn't be any worse of a timing.

Before I had time to sit down at my desk and try to write, to outline or to design version 6.2 of a cover for a novel I haven't even started. I had time to ask myself, why I didn't find the inspiration to write even though I had so many ideas. Yes, I did feel bad for not being able to write because of writer's block, but I also realised that it was okay and that I would just focus on other things.

Now that my writing juices are flowing like they haven't in a very long time, I feel torn. Should I try and carve out writing time in my half hour lunch break at work and should I start writing after a 7 hour study session when my brain is already worn out? Or should I put my writing away once again because it is better to actually give it the attention and mindspace it deserves?

Is it better to mindlessly type down words until the first draft is finished with a bad plot and at least 15k too many words? (maybe something for another post?)

I want to write, like all the time, I want to get these ideas on paper and calm down my Muse a little bit. But I also want to be able to focus on my university exams and I want to maybe sit down at the end of a study session and watch a film or read a book to relax.

Writing is no longer relaxing for me because it requires a lot of my hard work and attention, it requires research, planning, noticing details in your character description so you don't end up giving your MC brown hair in one chapter and black hair in the next. Writing is a hobby, a passion, but also nothing I want to do without putting my whole soul and attention into.

That is the reason why I feel overwhelmed though. Guilty even. Now that I can't blame my lack of writing on writer's block anymore I suddenly have to decide how important writing actually is for me. More important than university? As long as it doesn't pay the bills, definitely not.

More important than chilling on the sofa watching yet another re-run of Friends? It should be, but honestly, most days it doesn't seem like it.

The same goes for Twitter, my blog or book reviews. I have all these blog posts that need editing, photos taken or simply they have to be written and I am so behind that I still haven't uploaded my What I Read In May post.

And I know how this probably looks. I'm someone who just thinks too much into this, I shouldn't put pressure on myself, just enjoy writing whenever it works out, but quite frankly, in this day and age, we can't just "wait and see how it goes".

If I ever want my blog to even get a single follower then I should upload at least once or twice a week. It I don't want to constantly lose followers on Twitter then I should post something witty at least once or twice a day.

I'm not writing this post as a way to throw a pity party for myself. This is actually my daily writing now because I just couldn't get my head into my current WIP anymore after studying for English Linguistics for half the day. I also hope that it at least helps one person reading this to see, that just because I post on Twitter that I wrote 500 words yesterday that I don't feel too proud of them because they feel half hearted and it is absolutely okay, if you feel like that about your writing as well. There is no shame in admitting that maybe right now is not a good time, that your mind is occupied with something else and that you are not feeling it too much.

The important thing is just to not do what I did and stop writing but to stick with it. Stick with it through all those tough times, whether it is a quick note on your plot during lunch break, or a journal entry or a full chapter in your WIP.

I might write a more indepth post on how to motivate yourself or on the tips people gave me to get out of a writing slump, but for now I have to get away from the computer and into bed with a book that someone already went through all this trouble.

Maybe I will delete this post at some point, but I kind of like the idea of having these Stream of Consciousness posts that show the reality behind writing a novel,

If you want to connect with me I am always up for a nice chat on one of the sites below.

Take care and write on,
Lena

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